yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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