i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
