Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
