I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
