who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
