your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.