Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful