its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
