Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
