y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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