Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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