Me. At least after what I've been through.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
