Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
