There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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