found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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