We won't sleep together?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
