I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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