i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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