i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
