I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
