he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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