do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
