I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
