I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
