I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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