Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
