How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
