Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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