I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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