guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
