being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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