Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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