wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
