I just saw a hot homeless man
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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