sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
