he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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