yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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