NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
