who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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