I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
