I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My life is pants optional.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
