I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
