And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
