Whats the glycemic index on semen?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
