i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
