you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize