I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
