Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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