oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
