She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
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Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?