i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?