Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
