My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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