I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.