I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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