He uses pillows to masturbate.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram