I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
