i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
