You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
