is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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