There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
