I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
