Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
