Do you still have your period?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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