White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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