I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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