Im at strip club and am horny
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
