Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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