She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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