No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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