I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
