porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
