____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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