you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
