just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it glows. i had to have it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
