tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
