clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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