He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
