I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
