Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
