I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she smelled like a LAN party
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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