i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
