So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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