It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
