i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
