Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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