Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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