im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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