She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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