yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
