Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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