My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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