I just made out with a guy for $7.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish I only lived at night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
