Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
